back for good

(New entries below below lowlowlow…) 

this is the 3rd time i say i am back…

this time i really am back

I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you appreciate them when their right, you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust none but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together. ~Marilyn Monroe

 

Ah gong

I am typing this n hope i wun breakdown and cry. Havent really told anyone about what has been happening. Its was hard, to talk about him and not tear. But i know i have to get it out and really let him go..

He was in ttsh for abt 2 mths since May. There was something growing in his esophagas, that din allow him to eAt anything, not even porridge. He was fed with only nutritional milk thru his nose. First time i went to the hospital and saw the tube thru his nose, i was shocked. We werent close. Maybe only visited him once a mth. I don’t rem he was that skinny when i saw him earlier. There was nth the doc can do. He was old n too weak to go thru operation. There was no alternative. He was discharged aft 1.5 mths. We needed someone trained to inject the fluid to the tube thru his nose so we had no choice but to put him up in a nursing home.

Went to visit him for a couple of times. Everytime i was there, he would tell me that he is very hungry and begged me to buy food for him or send him home. It was not easy but for his good, he had to stay in the home. He was even tied up, cos he attempted to sneak home. he could talked, he recognised me, he was just weak.

Last wed, my aunt went to visit him. The nurse told him that he had runs for the past few days, but had stopped that day. He cried to my aunt that he was aching all over and pleaded for her to send him home or to ttsh. She was worried but thought nth of it as he told these to everyone who visited him all these time. She told the nurses to take note of his condition, n to inform us shld his condition worsen. Last friday noon, my dad received a call frm the nursing home, saying that they had call an ambulance to send my grandpa to ttsh cos he was dizzy. My dad probed further abt his condition, and was finally told that they failed to wake him up since morning. Apparently, he slipped into coma.

I was at work that friday. It was close to 6pm and i was happily thinking of whr to go/eat for a fri night. My dad called and told me to take leave for this week. He said ah gong was in the hospital and was v critical. I tried to control my tears n rushed down immd

When i reached, my dad, bro, and all my grandfather,s children was there. All eyes were red n teary. I went to his bed side my mum was calling out to him, ” pa, dun sleep, we are going home ” in hokkien. I leaned forward, wanting to call out to him, but my tears were falling uncontrollably. Shortly, the docs came for a checkup. Docs n nurses coming in and out of the ward. We were all praying outside. One of the doc came out and told us to be mentally prepared. Like what u see in shows. His kidneys and liver has stop functioning, they injected smth that can keep him gng n eased his pain for 5 days without the oxygen tank so we could bring him. They made the arrangement and we all took the cars, and rushed off the my ah ma’s hse. My dad was speeding, and a call came. He spoke in hokkien, i didnt understand except for one line. He said ” pa, ki liao ” meaning he has left n his bro told him to head home first. I cried all the way home.

My first time, losing someone close in my life, feels so painful. The pain was excruciating. I Couldnt slp at night. I knw my parents din as well

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The wake starts on Sunday. We reached in the morning and did the ritual. On our knees, swallowing my tears, i shouted ” gong, 回家了 “. Everytime i had to call out to him, i feel my heart tearing apart. Everything there was a ritual, everytime we prayed, when we burnt the offerings, i told myself dont cry, for he is nw at a better place. But its nt easy u knw. Walking ard his coffin, talkin to him and all.

On tues, was the most heart wrenching day. We walked and throwing 金纸 around his coffin the morning, already had most of us tearing so badly. We walked his last journey and it was downpouring. Was it tears or the rain rolling dwn our faces…

His body was to be cremented shortly. We offered our last respect, bowed 4 times and bid goodbye to him for the last time. Standing at the viewing hall, it was a total silence. When my aunt shouted ” 爸，你快点走 ” tears flowed. I cried so so bad, i couldnt stop. We stayed in the hall, till we stopped crying. When we walked out, everybody wiped our tears n then it din feel so bad surprisingly. Maybe cos we all knw that we had to let him go.

He is in heaven, where he can eat and move ard freely. He left us physically, but will always be with us in our heart.

my ah gong

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I was worried for my dad. He din shed a tear but i know it mus hv been very hard for him. I am glad he has a group of friends with him.

My dad always spend alot of time outside, Drinking with his friends. I always wonder why he had to entertain so many friends. But the day he lost his father, i finally see it. His frenz reached the wake even before we did on the first day, doing set up, etc. Some did nth, but physically they were there. For the past nights, they came every single night after work. Helped to serve the people who came to pay respect, cleared the tables etc. To be honest, my cousins were not even helping out. They left as soon as the prayers ended. But my dad’s friends did. They never fail to stay till we left. On the very last day, they were still w us. With or without umbrellas, they walked my grandpa’s last journey with us.

There are many other ppl to thank for being by our side these few days, those who cant be here but sent their condolences / contributed 白金. Thanks.

U knw who you are

a ME nobody knows

Totally random post about my feelings today. Its my daddy’s birthday today n most know that he is the man i love most.

He was out w his friends for drinks and a ridiculous thought was playing in mind my as i was lying on the bed, that he was drunk n he met w a car accident (touch super big wood!!!). I was so petrified by my own imagination, i din dare to sleep till he is home. N thank god he jus did. When i heard the door opened, i feel i am so lucky n blissed now.

Last quarter of 2010 till date, god has been exceptionally kind to me.

1) My job – i joined 2 years ago. Suffered 3 paycut. Bitter at first. Imagine a 20% paycut when i was only drawing a basic of less than 2k. Fortunately, things changed better after about 6 mths of hard work n i am tasting the sweetness now. My job allows me to pay for all bills in the house now to lighten my parents’ load. Unlike companies i imagine w lotsa politics n back stabbing, i am in a good team n have a group of very nice colleagues

2) My Family – many dunno that we were going through a very difficult time for the past few years cos my dad was in huge debts. But he met a 贵人 who helped him alot in his biz n he finally cleared the debts this year. My bro has matured from someone who gets into troubles all the time, to a person i can rely on whenever i face problems at home. I love my family. Coming home daily to homecooked food and us heating together always makes me happy )

3) My friends – i dun have alot of friends. Esp girl friends. Sometimes they are not even the ones i turn to whenever i am at my lowest. Yes, we can say forgive n forget. HOWEVER, u can never mend a broken mirror. Even so, i am glad to hv a few that stood by me n appreciates me all these while n picked me up when i fall.

4) My Ah Pui – 8 mths into our relationship n i know he is someone i nv wanna let go. Honestly, i was never really very in love w anyone. In my past relationships, i was always on the look out for a better option. BUT not now. He controls his temper, he washes my dirty dishes, help me to cover blankets, he cleans my room. He is different. I still love looking at him while he is sleeping, n i feel i can really do this forever.

Everyday, i have a reason to fall asleep w a smile ) god is kind

Sry if thr is alot of typo. Its sucha long post. I needa slp. )

Changes

 

i am moving to another site. will update all shortly. in twitter!!!

 

just me

this is certainly not the best week for me, physically. My aircon broke down, i woke up with swollen eyes and red patches on my face, my calves hurt for no reason, my cramp was so bad i could barely sleep.

but i feel alot happier this week. Maybe its because i don’t have to put on an act anymore. i am never the kind of person that can hide my emotions and unhappiness.

anyway, it feels good to be myself

Protected: truth that hurts

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sometimes when we touch..

Sometimes i think he is so irritating. He dun understand what i want to relate and he is very slow. He makes me repeat myself. He is insensitive,  me wait for him till i am so hungry, and always make me almost ‘zhao geng’. He pokes my stomach when i am not feeling well and watch Footytube instead of spending time with me. He  snores very loudly, burps and fart beside me.

But i always think he is so cute. He makes me laugh/smile. He will walk me to the main road to wait for cab, regardless its 3am or 5am in the morning. He waits for me outside the toilet while i am bathing/shitting/washing up. He always acc me to wherever i wanna go. He always make sure the washroom is free from hairs and is always dry. He helps me to pack my stuffs whenever i leave them all over his room. He texts me good night and good morning daily. He never ever make me feel that i am all alone with no one to depend on

not the perfect man, but this man is true

<3

On every Feb, you’ll be my valentine

and its also the 5th..

No expensive dinner or present. but my love made me 16 handmade roses for v day. Worth more then any hotel buffet or any branded. Priceless

 

my definition of perfect <3

Thank you

i wanna blog but i am lazy.

Almost every night, except for one, i thank god for the perfect life i have now. i hope everyone can be happy too. As i grow old, simplicity is in fact a kind of happiness

 

 

 

guilty or not~

 

What women hates about a man

1. Forget her birthday.

2. Forget your anniversary.
3. Spend more time with your buddy instead of spending time with her.
4. Bring her out with your buddies and ignoring her.
5. Criticize her dress sense.
6. Choosing work over her. (Balance is the key here)
7. Multitasking when talking to her over the phone.
8. Want to hang up the phone after just 1 minute of conversation.
9. Make your room untidy.
10. Chose to watch your sport activities (football match) over her.
11. Forget to put the toilet lid down.
12. Never pick up her phone calls.
13. Took half an hour to reply her text messages.
14. Never plan for outings.
15. Spineless.
16. Make fun of her in front of others.
17. Ridicule her make up skills.
18. Saying she is fat.
19. Talk bad about her family members.
20. Never seek her opinion for the week end getaway.
21. Forget to shave. (Differs for different people)
22. Appear untidy.
23. Criticize her career choice.
24. Lack of hygiene etiquette.
25. Ogle at other girls.
26. Text messages in your phone from other girls are more than hers.
27. Lie to them.
28. Judging her.
29. Any contact with your ex.
30. Compare her with other girls. (Deadly mistake)
31. Forget to put the toilet lid down after peeing.
32. Lack of ambition in life. (Girls do not like potato couch. It just doesn’t give them a sense of security)
33. Fail to give her a sense of security.
34. Appearing insecure.
35. Guys who do not know how to take care of themselves.
36. Not romantic at all.
37. Flirt.
38. Breaking promises.
39. Over protective.
40. Over boasting.
41. Egoistic.
42. Stingy.
43. Doesn’t pay attention to what she says.
44. Arrogant.
45. Doesn’t pamper her.
46. Have a picture of other girls in your cell phone.
47. Never call back when you promised her

how guilty is my bf ?? mMmm

(from puipui’s blog)

Gin gin~

Happy 23rd Babe. Mus emphasize u are already 23rd so u will have the sense of urgency and faster go find a bf!!! lower your expectations and don’t be so choosy. Haha

anyway, hope you have a wonderful year ahead filled with lots of Money and of cos LOVEEEEEE. and Mj soon!!!

PS: WHY IS YOUR EYES CLOSED IN MOST OF THE PICS!!